{"id":1816,"date":"2016-05-12T21:08:06","date_gmt":"2016-05-12T19:08:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.kolbeek.com\/?p=1816"},"modified":"2020-06-02T21:14:14","modified_gmt":"2020-06-02T19:14:14","slug":"unconscious-brain","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.kolbeek.com\/en\/unconscious-brain\/","title":{"rendered":"How Your Unconscious Brain Is Ruining Your Life"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Our unconscious brains are ruining our lives\u2026<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s taken over too much of our thoughts and behavior.<\/p>\n<p>And you know what the worst thing is?<\/p>\n<p>You probably don\u2019t even know that it\u2019s doing that to you.<\/p>\n<p>I mean, hey\u2026 your unconscious brain is super useful:<\/p>\n<p>You can breathe automatically thanks to your unconscious brain\u2026<\/p>\n<p>You can assess the danger of crossing the street in a MILISECOND thanks to it\u2026<\/p>\n<p>But what if I told you that your unconscious brain is also your <strong>greatest enemy<\/strong>?<\/p>\n<p>What if your unconscious brain is limiting you IMMENSLY in your ability to live <strong>happy<\/strong>, <strong>secure<\/strong> and <strong>with confidence<\/strong>?<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s the case when you have unconsciously internalized <strong>negative self-talk<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re reading this, you probably agree that it\u2019s sad to see how many moments we are feeling angry, hopeless, dependant or insecure.<\/p>\n<p>Not being able to be our true selves.<\/p>\n<p>Unable to respond authentically and with kindness.<\/p>\n<p>And the worst thing is that it happens without us knowing exactly why and how it happened.<\/p>\n<p>It ruins your day\u2026<\/p>\n<p>And <strong>it ruins your life<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>Because if you don\u2019t have enough positive moments in your life\u2026 It can just become one big slur of <strong>negativity<\/strong> and <strong>anxiety<\/strong> leading into <strong>depression<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>But it\u2019s DEFINITELY possible to live much better.<\/p>\n<p>To live with more confidence, kindness and creativity EVERY day.<\/p>\n<p>In this blog post I want to talk about:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>How your unconscious brain tricks you<\/li>\n<li>How to discover the negative self-talk and behavior that\u2019s holding you back in life<\/li>\n<li>How to train your unconscious brain and create habits so your brain will HELP YOU instead of limiting you to be a more positive, kind and confident person in life.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Sound good to you?<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s get into it.<\/p>\n<h2>THIS IS HOW YOUR UNCONSCIOUS BRAIN TRICKS YOU<\/h2>\n<p>At times when I\u2019m anxious, depressed or just feeling insecure about myself I used to think something was fundamentally wrong with me.<\/p>\n<p>I can\u2019t wrap my head around the fact that I might be in control of what I\u2019m feeling.<\/p>\n<p>Those feelings when I get upset, insecure\u2026 or the feeling of being incapable and fearing to be found out as <a href=\"http:\/\/mindgum.org\/imposter-syndrome\/\">an imposter<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>I would notice those feelings come on and I didn\u2019t know WHY exactly I felt that way.<\/p>\n<p>I was convinced something inside me was wrong, broken\u2026 And that that faulty part in me made me feel so bad without a reason.<\/p>\n<p>But it wasn\u2019t.<\/p>\n<p>My unconscious brain tricked me into thinking that my feelings all happened without a cause.<\/p>\n<p>That there was no other explanation then that there was something fundamentally wrong with me.<\/p>\n<p>That I am just naturally incapable, strange and stupid.<\/p>\n<p>The trick my brain played on me was that it skipped the conscious thought process that comes before my feelings.<\/p>\n<p>The trick was that my unconscious brain had an automatic response to situations which made me feel a certain way.<\/p>\n<p>It took very long to learn and believe that my feelings originated from automatic thought patterns.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s why I didn\u2019t notice why I felt a certain way.<\/p>\n<p>I was not conscious of those thoughts.<\/p>\n<p>And I can\u2019t really blame myself.<\/p>\n<p>My unconscious brain handles about 40.000 bits of information per second.<\/p>\n<p>And I\u2019m happy it does that much work in its own for me.<\/p>\n<p>This makes sure I don\u2019t have to think about how I need to put one foot in front of the other when I\u2019m walking.<\/p>\n<p>But\u2026<\/p>\n<p>When it makes automatic assumptions like: \u201cI am a stupid person\u201d, \u201cnobody likes me\u201d and \u201cI am not worthy to be loved\u201d, \u201cpeople shouldn\u2019t give me their time and attention\u201d\u2026 suddenly it\u2019s NOT so helpful.<\/p>\n<h2>HOW TO DISCOVER YOUR NEGATIVE SELF-TALK &amp; BAD BEHAVIOR<\/h2>\n<p>But the brain is not to blame for automating our negative thoughts.<\/p>\n<p>It just follows orders.<\/p>\n<p>Whatever I feed my brain over and over again, it will automate for me.<\/p>\n<p>So if I feed my brain thoughts like \u201cI\u2019m not good enough, I\u2019m stupid, I\u2019ll never be smart enough to provide something of real value, I\u2019m ugly\u201d\u2026 it\u2019s going to automate those for me.<\/p>\n<p>Whenever a challenge comes up, that unconscious thought results in immediate feelings, bodily responses and negative behavior.<\/p>\n<h3>TRY TO THINK OF IT LIKE A RIVER FLOW<\/h3>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-1817 size-full\" src=\"http:\/\/www.kolbeek.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/river-flow-like-neural-pathways-in-your-brain-1024x683-1.jpeg\" alt=\"NASA picture from a river flow - just like neural pathways in your brain\" width=\"1024\" height=\"683\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.kolbeek.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/river-flow-like-neural-pathways-in-your-brain-1024x683-1.jpeg 1024w, https:\/\/www.kolbeek.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/river-flow-like-neural-pathways-in-your-brain-1024x683-1-300x200.jpeg 300w, https:\/\/www.kolbeek.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/river-flow-like-neural-pathways-in-your-brain-1024x683-1-768x512.jpeg 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>I compare the brain to a river bed that has been carved out for years and now the water is flowing through it with ease.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s made its way through the rocky bottom and over time that water was able to flow easily and without much friction.<\/p>\n<p>In a similar way, that\u2019s how our brains forms <a href=\"http:\/\/www.brains.org\/path.htm\">neutral pathways<\/a>:<\/p>\n<p>By connecting the same situations, thoughts, feelings and behavior over and over again.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s compare that process to the river stream again.<\/p>\n<p>The river flows in a certain direction, it turns and twists.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s say our brain-river also does makes several turns:<\/p>\n<p>From perceiving the situation we are in to creating thoughts, feelings and ultimately behaviour.<\/p>\n<p>That \u201cflow\u201d gets carved into our brains.<\/p>\n<p>And after a while, it has almost zero resistance anymore.<\/p>\n<p>At that point our brains are able to make us think, feel and behave in a certain situation without us actually being aware of it.<\/p>\n<p>And so you enter a situation, whatever may be your trigger, a fight with your boyfriend, an argument with your boss or a higher-up, a comment from a stranger\u2026 and suddenly you feel horrible, sad, stupid or insecure.<\/p>\n<p>And you don\u2019t know why exactly.<\/p>\n<p>You say to yourself: \u201cHow did that just happen?\u201d \u201cWhy am I feeling so bad right now?\u201d And \u201cIt all went so fast!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That feeling sucks.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve had enough of it in my life to know.<\/p>\n<h2>WHAT IF WE COULD TRAIN OUR UNCONSCIOUS BRAINS?<\/h2>\n<p>Wouldn\u2019t that be great?<\/p>\n<p>Having your brain helping you to be happier, more secure, have more fun and be more creative in life?<\/p>\n<p>When you understand your own behaviour and can trace it back to your feelings and thoughts where it all stems from, you WIN.<\/p>\n<p>Then you can reverse engineer that process and make sure you train your brain to create a flow of thoughts, feelings and behavior that are more positive.<\/p>\n<p>So the key here is to become AWARE of your thoughts in those triggering moments when you feel bad without knowing why.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ll be honest:<\/p>\n<p>In the beginning, you are not gonna change how you feel or behave because you still get overwhelmed with feelings almost all the time.<\/p>\n<p>You still get overwhelmed with emotions seemingly without any reason.<\/p>\n<p>But!<\/p>\n<p>You will have gained ONE big step from where you were before.<\/p>\n<p>At least now you will be able to take a step back and look at the situation and say:<\/p>\n<p><em>\u201cOK, it\u2019s happening again, I\u2019m feeling things and responding without really knowing what happened inside me.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>That\u2019s OK, I recognize this. And I don\u2019t understand me right now, but I know I will at a later point when I analyze what happened here and what thoughts triggered my emotions and my behavior.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>This is great. I am aware of the situation. That is big. I am not IN the situation anymore. I might still not understand the situation but at least I got myself out of it. And I am observing it. Big points for me.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<h2>USE THIS 5 STEP METHOD TO BECOME AWARE OF YOUR AUTOMATIC THOUGHTS<\/h2>\n<p>To help you analyze such situations and figure out what automatic thoughts are creating those unwanted emotions and behaviors, you can try the <a href=\"https:\/\/drive.google.com\/open?id=1QucjcrwMLBoPDoBqxf8MBKfFajkh_oLsH0cJXdbBpZQ\">AAT-method (Analyzing Automatic Thoughts)<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-1823 size-full\" src=\"http:\/\/www.kolbeek.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/aat-method.png\" alt=\"AAT method worksheet - 5 steps to analyze automatic thoughts and find destructive habits\" width=\"1024\" height=\"723\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.kolbeek.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/aat-method.png 1024w, https:\/\/www.kolbeek.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/aat-method-300x212.png 300w, https:\/\/www.kolbeek.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/aat-method-768x542.png 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>This is where you go over 5 consecutive steps: The situation you were in, what thought(s) occured instantly (this is the hard part because you have to work hard to remember what that situation made you think instantly), what you felt after that and how that affected your behavior and ultimately: what the consequences of your behvior were.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Situation:<\/strong> What is the factual, observable situation you were just in? Just keep this to the facts, no emotions. Where you are, what you are doing and what happened literally.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Thoughts:<\/strong> What fundamental thought went through your mind right when the above mentioned situation happened? This is where the magic lies. First, you won\u2019t realize that a thought occured before you were overwhelmed with emotions. But this is exactly the problem. Your body skips the conscious thought process and you only become aware of the emotion you feel after the situation. In between lies the automatic thought.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Feelings:<\/strong> What and how did you feel after the situation happened?<\/li>\n<li><strong>Behaviour:<\/strong> How did you behave yourself after the situation happened? Or: What did you do after this happened?<\/li>\n<li><strong>Consequences:<\/strong> What were the consequences of your behaviour after the situation? What were the results of your actions? Did it change your feelings? Or reinforce them? Change someone else\u2019s feelings?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>It\u2019s a WIN to be able to mentally and emotionally seperate yourself from the situations where you would usually feel completely out of control and helpless.<\/p>\n<p>You know what those situations are\u2026<\/p>\n<p>When your boss yells at you for making a mistake.<\/p>\n<p>When a coworker tells you you\u2019re stupid.<\/p>\n<p>When someone in the store laughs at you.<\/p>\n<p>When your boyfriend insults you.<\/p>\n<p>When\u2026. *fill in the blank*<\/p>\n<p>You know those moments when you suddenly feel very small, lost, angry, sad or hopeless. It ruins your day.<\/p>\n<p>So, the first win is to recognize those moments where you do not understand what\u2019s going on. These are the moments you suddenly become overwhelmed with emotion without being able to put your finger on why you came to feel that way exactly.<\/p>\n<p>Then, the second win, after a lot of hard work (read: analyzing your automatic thought patterns) is understanding what is going on in that moment. (Ooooh I instantly felt small and hopeless after that argument because the automatic thought that I didn\u2019t catch at the time was telling me: \u201cYou are not worthy of other people\u2019s love.\u201d or \u201cSee, everybody hates me\u201d.)<\/p>\n<h2>GREAT, I\u2019M AWARE. NOW HOW DO I CHANGE THOSE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS TO POSITIVE ONES?<\/h2>\n<p>Once you are able to pin point the negative self-talk you can start to show yourself they are not true.<\/p>\n<p>First, you will need to deconstruct your current thoughts and show them they are not real.<\/p>\n<p>Then, you can discover what is true and start brainwashing yourself with more realistic thoughts.<\/p>\n<p>So to deconstruct your false assumptions and thoughts you can <strong>fact-check<\/strong> them.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s hard\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Because facts are not something you were used to live your life by.<\/p>\n<p>You were used to believing lies that you were just stupid, insecure, uncreative etc.<\/p>\n<p>And it hurts to shake up that \u201creality\u201d you\u2019ve created.<\/p>\n<p>Literally\u2026 It hurts me when I challenge my own assumptions.<\/p>\n<p>I guess it\u2019s because this changes something in my brain.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s like a piece of brain that was bent that I\u2019m pulling straight.<\/p>\n<p>It hurts.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s hard.<\/p>\n<p>No way around it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>But it\u2019s worth it.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>So you can check: Is it really true what you are saying to yourself?<\/p>\n<p>Are you REALLY stupid? Is YOU, you\u2019re complete you an insecure person? Does everybody really don\u2019t like you?<\/p>\n<p>How true are those claims you have become accustomed to believing?<\/p>\n<p>What is the proof you have for those assumptions? And, maybe even MORE important: What is the proof you have to refute those claims?<\/p>\n<p>Try to come up with every reason and example that shows that you are NOT stupid, that people DO like you and that you ARE loved.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/docs.google.com\/a\/mindgum.org\/document\/d\/1cDa8mQ6Od5Hi3XBRFndBJ-RPIl4LgEEWQ4wk47y7dfQ\/edit?usp=sharing\">Here is a worksheet<\/a> to fact check your thoughts and assumptions that you can download, print and use freely if you want to.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1820\" src=\"http:\/\/www.kolbeek.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/fact-checking-your-thoughts-and-assumptions.png\" alt=\"screenshot of the worksheet to fact check your thoughts and assumptions\" width=\"816\" height=\"458\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.kolbeek.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/fact-checking-your-thoughts-and-assumptions.png 816w, https:\/\/www.kolbeek.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/fact-checking-your-thoughts-and-assumptions-300x168.png 300w, https:\/\/www.kolbeek.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/fact-checking-your-thoughts-and-assumptions-768x431.png 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 816px) 100vw, 816px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>If you can\u2019t break that train of thought and have no way of finding arguments to battle your negative assumptions, you need help.<\/p>\n<p>Probably in the form of a professional cognitive therapist.<\/p>\n<p>Just like me.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s great to do these exercises in therapy because it\u2019s very hard to argue with yourself about these thoughts.<\/p>\n<p>If you manage to do this by yourself\u2026 I applaud you. You are brave and strong for battling with your own negative thoughts and you are lucky the negative self-talk is not too deeply embedded inside you.<\/p>\n<p>If you don\u2019t have access to therapy, the next best thing are \u201cregular\u201d supportive people around you.<\/p>\n<p>What I did next to therapy for example is be VERY AWARE of other people\u2019s positive remarks and signals during the day and noting them down, remembering all the details so I could repeat them and remember them for myself later.<\/p>\n<p>That way, I could build up a list of \u201cpositive moments\u201d and use that as my positive proof.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s not ideal to rely on outside confirmation of your self-worth but you need it if your own internal dialogue is SO TOXIC.<\/p>\n<p>We can worry about internalizing our own self worth later \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n<p>What you will find out, contrary to your belief, is that there is actually a lot of proof, reason and examples that show you are an intelligent, loved, funny and creative person.<\/p>\n<p>What would happen if we kept playing THAT record over and over again in our heads?<\/p>\n<p>What if we train our unconscious brain to remind us in challenging situations that: \u201cI\u2019m creative and intelligent\u201d?<\/p>\n<p>When a new situation comes up, a big life change, a new job, a break-up.. And we have internalized that we are capable of dealing with this change because we are equipped, we will figure it out and we are creative\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Or: When we get into a heated discussion with someone or your boss yells at you about work\u2026 and you have internalized that \u201cI am a loveable person\u201d and \u201cI am intelligent\u201d and our behavior follows that thought\u2026<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s when life gets better.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s when we can stand in challenging situations and STILL be secure, strong, kind and loving.<\/p>\n<p>And to be honest, I don\u2019t need to tell you here how to train your brain to internalize positive and true thoughts about yourself.<\/p>\n<p>Because once you discover what thoughts and assumptions about yourself are holding you back today\u2026<\/p>\n<p>And you start discovering in what situations (triggers) these unconscious thoughts come up for you\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Then you have <strong>changed the game forever<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>You now have a skill that gives you SO MUCH power over your life.<\/p>\n<p>And you will be more than capable of discovering what is really TRUE for you and how to train your brain to act from reality instead of negative self-talk.<\/p>\n<p>And over time, you will be stronger, more confident, more secure and much less stressed and anxious in your life.<\/p>\n<p>So when you notice those moments that might still be scarce today, when you are in flow, creative, full of energy\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Those periods are going to last longer. And the impact of a negative moment (trigger) will decrease and you\u2019ll recover faster to a place where you can be yourself again.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s what happens when you take back control of your unconscious negative self-talk \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Our unconscious brains are ruining our lives\u2026 It\u2019s taken over too much of our thoughts and behavior. And you know what the worst thing is? You probably don\u2019t even know that it\u2019s doing that to you. I mean, hey\u2026 your unconscious brain is super useful: You can breathe automatically thanks to your unconscious brain\u2026 You [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1827,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"inline_featured_image":false,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"default","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"default","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"default","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1816","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>How Your Unconscious Brain Is Ruining Your Life - kolbeek - Digital Marketing Consultancy<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.kolbeek.com\/en\/unconscious-brain\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How Your Unconscious Brain Is Ruining Your Life - kolbeek - Digital Marketing Consultancy\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Our unconscious brains are ruining our lives\u2026 It\u2019s taken over too much of our thoughts and behavior. And you know what the worst thing is? You probably don\u2019t even know that it\u2019s doing that to you. 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